Conman stands up for the little guy (and the slutty/Italian/hillbilly guy)

Do you guys ever hear a joke that makes fun of a particular group of people and think, that’s not even funny because it’s way too easy? I do. And I’m tired of comedians, and talk show hosts, and annoying dudes trying to be funny at parties, that get away with making fun of the same old stuff. First of all, it takes no talent to recycle jokes. But also, I don’t like that offensive comedians can take the easy route and make money at the expense of millions of people. Lookin at you Sarah Silverman. I think some groups of people have been ridiculed so much, they’re due a little reprieve. So, I hereby declare that I will stand up for the following groups, whenever they are made fun of.

Free Post

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, “Freedom isn’t Free.”  Which, naturally, got me thinking about free stuff.  In honor of “freedom,” I decided to make a list of stuff that IS free.  I’m not sure it’s all going to fit on a bumper sticker, unless someone’s got an extra 18-wheeler laying around (for free?)

Stuff that is free:
Wireless Internet
Library Books
Self-prostate exams
My stereo (thank you Al Roker)
Webinars
Condoms
Venereal Diseases (particularly if you skipped the last item on the list)
30-day software demos
A false sense of security
Blogs
Full-body cavity searches
The road signs in our old apartment
Your first dose of heroin
Veggie Drop
My roommate’s food stamps
Children
Public humiliation
T-Shirts

And now for some stuff that ISN’T free:

Lunch
Hookers
Special Sauce
Diamonds
Aaaaaaand FREEDOM.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Hoff, dude, not all of that stuff is FREE!  I spent THREE hours watching Saved by the Bell reruns on TV Land last night for MY false sense of security!” Well my friend, did you actually PAY anything for those three hours? I mean BESIDES the cable bill?  (Cable = not free since those bastards over at Cablevision saw that episode of Seinfeld back in 1991).  No.  You didn’t.  So shut up.

For those of you who have accidentally stumbled upon this site:  I’m truly sorry.  You have been warned.  A quick explanation here for those still reading:  520 Nation is the re-creation of an older, far more offensive and childish blog originated by yours truly, along with a few roommates back in 2004.  Eleven free e-props to anyone who can FIND that old blog (it’s still out there) and post the URL to it on Wojo’s facebook wall.  He’s rather worried that some of his current colleagues might find out about his past transgressions. (public humiliation = free!).  Oh, also, e-props = free, and 11 is Wojo’s favorite number!  I’m droppin’ hints left and right here!  Anyhow, the true identity of the 520 Nation contributors will remain hidden to the outside world, and we shall be known henceforth only as, “Hoff/The Hoffstar, B$/The Crooner/The Nagger, Wojo/The Governator and Conman/The Wife Beater.”  I’ll be posting a photo of the four of us, however, so that all the ladies out there can admire our masculine physiques.

Hoffstar out!