Coincidence or destiny? You be the judge.

So I was watching The Mighty Ducks last weekend and I noticed something crazy.  At exactly 5:20 left in the first period of the championship game, the Hawks go up 2-0 on the Ducks.  Evil music plays, and certain questions immediately come to mind.  Can the Ducks ever come back from such a deficit?  What if  it comes down to a penalty shot? Will Charlie be able to do the triple deke?  If I quack at my boss, can I get sent home early?   All these questions, and 520 at the heart of it all.  Think about it.

So, what other significance is attached to the number 520? Well, according to numberquotes.com, quite a bit.  Take a gander:

520 credit cards stacked on top of each other would be as high as 1.65 hair spray cans.  But nobody measures things in increments of spray cans.  Let’s use a more realistic unit of measure, like animals.

520 male giraffes stacked on top of each other would be as high as 6.79 Empire State Buildings.  MALE giraffes.  I wonder how they stack on top of each other so tightly?

521: The population of McIntosh, Florida in 2008.  Typical McIntosh, always trying to 1-up 520.

Speaking of Mcintosh, 520 dollars would buy a MacBook for everyone living in Hoot Owl town, Oklahoma (population 1).  But Hoot Owl town has no internet, so that one person will be shit out of luck.  We should buy things that are more useful, like Mexican food.

520 dollars would buy a taco for everyone living in Como, Texas (population 655).  Como/Homo/Tony Romo jokes aside, that’s a cheap taco: 79 cents!  Sounds like the standard taco price is being set by half of our favorite restaurant: Taco Bell! But what if we were in a town that was a little more classy, like Cokeburg, Pennsylvania?

520 dollars would buy a 7 eleven hot dog for everyone living in Cokeburg (population 660).  Where the hell is Cokeburg anyways?  As you can see from this map, it’s just south of Shittsburgh.   But wait, what if I’m all strung out in Cokeburg, and I rob a 7 Eleven, and steal all their hot dogs?  What could I buy?

Well, 520 7 Eleven Hot Dogs would buy 5.73 iPhones.  Silly rabbit, people don’t use Iphones in Cokeburg!  Especially not fractions of IPhones.  They spend all their money on coke.  Actually, funny story about Cokeburg, they only drink Pepsi there.  With cocaine in it. When they’re done, they just throw the cans all over the place.

Don’t tell Oscar.

Do you guys ever…

Oh, hi.  Conman here.

Do you guys ever talk to yourself in your head?  I do.  Sometimes I space out and have detailed conversations with myself, and without even realizing it my lips start moving.  Sometimes I even start talking softly, and I get this grin on my face, and I end up staring straight ahead at this lady in front of me, and I get asked to leave Denny’s.  That grand slam sucks anyways.

Do you guys ever pay for items with Sacajawea dollars?  I don’t.  Sometimes I get them from change machines, and I get pissed because they don’t look like the dollars I’m used to, they look more like Chuck E Cheese tokens.  What I’m saying here is, I don’t think Sacajaweas count as real money.

If you followed me on Twitter you would already know that.

Do you guys ever wonder what retarded people would be like if they got drunk?  I do.  I think they would start to act more and more normal as they drank.  Just like normal people start to act more and more… social.

Do you guys ever wind up in awkward situations?  I don’t.  At least, not anymore.  Around the time I got thrown out of Denny’s for mouthing “elephant juice” to the older woman across from me, I decided that it’s only awkward if you make it awkward.  And I’m going to have to blame her for that one, because I definitely was not the one making it awkward.  I was just trying to tell her about my favorite type of juice.

Do you guys ever find yourself driving aimlessly, with no idea of where you’re going?  I do.  In California sometimes all there is to do is drive.  Know where I ended up recently, without even thinking about it?  The Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell!  It’s way better than Denny’s.

If you were up on recent internet sensations you would find that last story hilarious.

Do you guys ever wonder what it would be like if Mitch Hedburg was still alive, and somebody totally jacked his style and put random awkward jokes up on their blog, and they weren’t even half as good?

I don’t.